Potential...

Have you ever looked at something and thought about all of the potential that it has? I'm not sure why, but earlier today while working I started to think about this - about how everyday, simple objects have enormous potential, both for good or evil.

I first noticed a pen that was sitting on the counter. It was a cheap one, I think it was a black Bic - without its cap of course. Now, its purpose on the counter was to be used by customers as they signed their credit card receipts before they left smiling with their new sound equipment. But I started to ponder the potential of a pen - how this instrument had been used by a judge to sign the sentence for a man's execution - it had also been used by a governor to pardon another man destined to die in a chair. Or how the pen has been used by "holy men of God were moved by the holy spirit" to write out the words, sentences, and paragraphs that would later become the Bible. It can send you straight to prison if you use it to write a threat to someone, or it can brighten a depressed friend's day with just a few strokes. Once The Declaration of Independence was written stating our willingness to fight for our freedom, war was decreed by a few strokes of a pen by the English Monarchy.

As I look at my desk around me - I see so many objects that have the potential for greatness or tragedy - for truth and beauty or lies and crime. I see my wallet, anorexic for quite some time, but always bearing plastic reminders of debt. One impulse, one phone call, one click and bankruptcy could be ours. But the wallet also contains evidence of modern convenience, that there is no danger of being stuck without cash for food or emergencies. I also see my belt (I have no idea why it's on my desk, but anyway), which of course has held my pants in their right place for many years, but it also had a more frightening role in my early upbringing. It was the enforcer of discipline and the threat of punishment.

The computer is probably the grandaddy of this entire conversation (that I hope to have - rather than a monologue). Think about it for a minute. Computers have been used to do advance our culture in so many different ways - science, research, law enforcement, banking, technology, communication, education, etc... Many of us use computers every day to work, write, pay bills, and deepen relationships. But of course this same computer, with a couple of keystrokes can ruin lives, victimize, steal, and exploit.

OK - this post is part one of the bigger point that I want to make... But I want to hear some other ideas and thoughts about this. Look around your house, your room, outside... What are some objects that have the potential for creating pleasure or inducing pain? Can you find significance in the mundane?

In part 2 I will complete my thoughts on this fascinating idea...

A Sabbath to Remember

Ahhh...

What a day!

We slept in 'til past 11am. I was awakened with the aroma of bacon and eggs - soon accompanied by a steaming mug of Starbucks finest coffee, their Black Apron Exclusive Rwandan Blue Bourbon (thanks Abby). I finished things off with a large bowl overflowing with fresh green grapes, so juicy and ripe that I had to keep wiping my face off after each bite.

After a breakfast spent talking about what we were NOT going to do today, the conversation shifted to the future... But this time, as opposed to other times more recently, I felt a stronger sense of hope and excitement about the steps we are taking towards co-authoring the next chapter of our lives.

I didn't shower, and I didn't care.

We grabbed some blankets, pillows, drinks, and great books as we sprawled out in the backyard on our suddenly green lawn.
The sun showed up for work today with a wink and a smile, and the breeze fanned us when a drop of perspiration appeared. I read more about rest and play and sabbath... Today I read about Restoration and Healing, and also about Feasting. I was strongly impressed and stirred by the stories of Jesus healing on the Sabbath. Now I had always been taught that it was to teach a lesson to the Pharisees, and to us, about grace versus the law. But today I was challenged by the statement, "Jesus' favorite day to heal and restore was on the Sabbath. He deemed that day most appropriate."

We all have wounds, all of us are broken. If anyone claims otherwise, then he is lying to himself and the chasm between his head and his heart is very wide indeed. The thing is - busyness keeps us from dealing with the quiet things, the hidden things, the wounded places of our hearts. Those wounds get covered up by work, or soccer practice, or food, or media, or simply overbooking ourselves. One thing I have found is that those who CHOOSE to be overly busy - seem to have the most profound woundings. Anyway, the heart needs our attention, our focus, most importantly our TIME in order for our wounds to be dressed, treated, and eventually healed. Sabbath is that day. Not vacation. Not sabbatical. Sabbath - a day, once per week as planned by God himself, that is held in highest honor and importance for our bodies, minds, and hearts to rest. To play. To be. To heal.

After a long time in the sun, the results of which have colored my face and arms red, Ange wanted to mow the lawn. Now to some - that seems like work - but to my wife, it is an absolute relaxing joy. Part of that joy is due to the fact that we own a fabulous John Deere riding mower, and normally I fight for the right to mow, but today I could see in her eyes that she realllllly wanted to.

Have you ever done work that didn't feel like - well, WORK?

That was today for us... While Ange mowed with a big silly grin on her face - I went into our almost finished dream basement, plugged in my ipod to some speakers, and had a painting party. I sang along to some of my favorite tunes, harmonizing at the top of my lungs along with the likes of James Blunt, Sufjan Stevens, Bloc Party, and of course, the Modern Skirts. I danced a little, when no one was looking, and oh yeah - painted all the boards.

It was a day of relaxation, rest, love, music, food, great conversation, and accomplishment...

And now my lover beckons me to snuggle as we fade into midnight...

Thank you God for the Sabbath... I feasted on your gifts today.

Time to Play

I think I've forgotten how to play.

I'm reading an amazing book by Mark Buchanan right now, called The Rest of God. It is dealing with the wildly misunderstood concept of Sabbath. I just finished a chapter on play, some could even call it a Theology of Play. In it, he explained how as adults, we have forgotten what it means to lose track of time and just play, for the sake of playing. Instead, we have become slaves to the clock and have stopped playing and instead choose to sit and stare at others playing.

The irony is that the best memories of our lives are when we are playing. The risks we took, the exhilaration we felt, the laughter, the feeling of being alive. The crazy thing is, that I don't make time to play. Not that we should "schedule" it in, like a golf lesson, but that we just take our watches and toss them on our nightstand, grab friends and loved ones and just go have an adventure.

My mind is instantly drawn to moments of extreme danger and risk, followed by laughter and the feeling that every last muscle and cell is dancing with you. A smile covers my face as I think of the first time I ever went 4 wheeling. It was a couple of years ago with Dan Syde down at their property that exists for one reason, to play. We hopped on these crazy, huge, hulking machines, and after a few brief instructions (here's the gas, here's the brake - see you in the stream!) I was off to the races. Something inside of me, someone else I think, took over and I wasn't, you know, getting the feel of the ATV, I was gunning it. I was flying all over the place, going as fast as I could, then hitting the brakes and turning hard so I could have that Dukes of Hazzard moment. Then I saw some hills in the landscape and starting to climb, and drop and swerve. My wrists were getting sore - but I didn't care. I was grinning like a grandpa watching toddlers play on Christmas morning. My eyes were wide open, with wind caused tears streaming down my cheeks. And then I was something out of the corner of my eye - a strange mass of land jutting out of the center of the rivine. Could it be? A JUMP???? At first I went over it cautiously, just to make sure that I wouldn't hit the base of the jump and be thrown into the distance while the ATV sat chuckling at me. It seemed safe, sort of. I hit it a little faster, and felt a little air beneath my tires. HECK YES! Before long, I was starting as far back as I could and going as fast as it would carry me... Launching high and far into the air and landing with a resounding thud, now my whole body is feeling out of whack, but still the adrenal glands were serving as my motivation and anesthesia. Then up the hills, racing as fast as I could through the orchard, up on two wheels - giggling like a little school girl. Even the moment of near tragedy, when I gunned it going down the hill and lost control - slammed head-on into a tree and flew 20 feet into the forest hitting my head on a few saplings, even that moment couldn't dampen my joy. Although when I rolled the ATV 5 minutes later, I figured maybe it was time to get some lunch.

My heart races back into memories of falling off a horse on ranch in Colorado, going cliff jumping in the Adirondacks with college buddies, jumping on trampolines, swinging on a trapeze that dropped me into a huge lake, playing war with bottlerockets at my friend Chris' house, playing wiffle ball in my back yard, leading dorm raids in college (then refusing to serve my sentence), and snowmobiling with Angela on a surprise Valentines getaway.

All of these were times that time seemed to be inconsequential - in fact - when I was on my wilderness trip of '01, we had a day all to ourselves, a solo day. I had no watch and never was a boy scout, so I had no way of telling time. At some point during the afternoon, after spending time journaling and singing and fighting off a swarm of angry ladybugs (long story), I sat down and leaned back against two huge pine trees that were so close that I could rest against both of them at the same time, sort of like mission style furniture. Well - I fell asleep and when I woke up, I had no idea how long I had been asleep. I still couldn't see the sun being that I was deep in the forest - so that didn't help me. I knew it had to be for a while based on my sore throat (huge snorer) and stiff neck, but I was totally at a loss for how much time had passed. It was at first unsettling and a little scary - was it 15 minutes or 3 hours? I checked my facial hair to see if it was even the same day, yup, same patchy stubble. After my initial confusion passed, I started to realize how refreshing it was to have it NOT MATTER. It honestly didn't matter, I hadn't slept through class, I wasn't running late to work, or missing a key episode of 24... My day was all about enjoyment and resting. A sabbath.

Our hearts desperately need that - a time to play and rest. A time to laugh and dance and sing and not care. A time to feast and burp and show our bellies to the sun. Nowhere to be. No way to be reached. This is what we have been created for - in fact we are commanded to take this time. I know the battle you fight - I fight it too... "But I have to get this done, and it's our only day to do that!!" The guilt arrives quickly and deeply - screaming infidelities in our ears. What would our lives look like if we fought for time to do nothing - to get away, even if it is just to your back yard - to take the cell phone and stick it underneath your sweaters in the bottom drawer.

It is in this joyful freedom that we most connect to the heart of God. We can hear Him when He speaks, follow when He leads, laugh when he jokes, and snuggle when He's close.

What are your moments? When have you just been able to play! No time, no deadlines, no technology - just you and the freedom to BE. I want to play again.

The Soundtrack of Your Life

I'm not sure if many of you know what I'm actually up to these days, you know, to pay the bills not create them. I am a Home Theater Custom Sales Consultant at Stereoland in Eden Prairie, MN - which is a pretty sweet gig for me. For those who know me well, they know that I am somewhat of an aficionado of electronics, especially home theater stuff. In fact, we are nearly finished with changing our basement from a big empty space to a fabulous 2 bedroom, laundry room, bathroom, and large home theater with coffee bar. So the fact that I get to come to work every day and walk around a store in which there are speakers that are worth more than my car (seriously), and watch Yankees games on a 120" screen with theater seating and jaw dropping sound is a definite perk. But, alas, it is still a job, and I do have to do things that I'm not a huge fan of. For instance, I cannot wear jeans to work. C'mon man! We're selling speakers, not funeral plots! I also am pretty much stuck here all day on Tuesdays especially. Just me, all day, from 9:30am til after 8pm. Seriously - I have to leave notes on the door and lock up if I need to leave for any reason, even when nature calls. How embarassing is that? When that glorious moment arrives, instead of being able to select the latest issue of my favorite home theater magazine and head off for my mid morning session, I have to sit down and create a Word document stating that I'll be back in 30 mins (I hate being rushed). Annoyances aside, it is a pretty fun job now that I've gotten used to being here for over 50 hours a week.

One of the products that I particularly enjoy is called a Fireball-not the jawbreaker (although that sounds really good right now)- which is a digital music server (giant iPod basically) that can store tens of thousands of songs. When I first started here in February, I would just listen to whatever happened to be loaded on the machine, which was the standard stereo store selections - Norah Jones, John Mayer, Dave Matthews Band, tons of classical and jazz, and for some inexplicable and particularly naseating reason, Gloria Estefan (I guess she ditched the Miami Sound Machine). I used to enjoy some of these artists, but after a solid month of "Daughters", I was ready to toss the Fireball into the parking lot. Then it hit me - why don't I bring in my own music and add it to the mix? Since I am here the most of anyone by far, I should be able to dominate the music server, right? So I have begun to slowly but surely add some of my favorites to the system and listen to them all day.

You may be wondering why I told you that backstory... Well, it is to talk about music and its powerful grip on our memories. I love to ask the question of friends and those soon to be my friends, "What band would you choose to be the soundtrack of your life?" I've heard so many varied responses to this question, that I've begun to deduce that this question reveals a lot about the past of the responder. It isn't always true, but it has on occasion revealed a deeper view into a heart - the pain, the joy, the good times, and bad.

I have learned over the years that the only way to make sense of our lives is to view them as a story. Since our longest lasting memories are tied to emotion, our heart is actually the best keeper of our stories. Whether or not you agree with me, you do the same thing when you think back over your life... Not many people think about their life in terms of bullet points, or in chronological order of rountines and monotonous existence. Typically when we think back, our memories are tied to love, pain, success, embarassment, fear, joy, laughter, beauty, brokeness, breakthrough, risk, betrayal, adventure, breathless silence, punishment, ecstasy, and consequences. I'll take my memories a step further and say that these events are not only tied to emotion, but they carry with them music that brings me back.

All of this came to mind as I walked around the store today and a song came on that reminded me of one of my precious former students and their incredibly painful journey, but yet the redemption and joy that has been granted to them. I started to seek out songs that have a grip on my memories and will now lay a few of them at your feet.

Not in any sort of order at all!

ABBA, Dancing Queen - This song has swooped in and out of my life several times, but it began as a tape that I snagged out of my dad's "old music collection" that wasn't CHRISTIAN (GASP!)... I took that tape and popped it into my walkman and hopped on my John Deere lawnmower (after I had sniffed a little gasoline - hey, I was 12 man!) and fell in love with disco. So that became my brain-cell killing routine when it was time to mow the lawn, some gasoline scent on the end of my nose and ABBA turned up so loud that my ears rang for an hour after the lawn was cut.

Glass Tiger w/ Bryan Adams, Don't Forget me When I'm Gone -
"Don't forget me when I'm gone,
My heart would break.
I have loved you for so long,
It's all I can take."
I went to 3 different high schools, so leaving became pretty normal for me. But I always left behind someone, my Winnie Cooper, to whom I had never really come clean with my true feelings. One day, after leaving another school, I actually called up the local radio station and requested this song - thinking that maybe she would be listening. As I laid there listening to the cheesy keyboards wail, a tear trickled down my cheek as I realized that I would probably never see any of those old friends again, and worst of all, I could never tell her how I felt.

Eric Clapton, Wonderful Tonight - I absolutely love this song, but one memory stands out to me whenever I think of this... I was asked to be a groomsman in a wedding (1 of 13 times to date) and I was informed that I needed to dance with a bridesmaid during the reception. Now in my house, dancing was forbidden - which was fine with me. My parents had always told us stories about proms and the naughty things that happened there, so the whole dancing thing had sort of passed me by. So now I'm in college, and I need to learn how to slowdance. Well, the only guy I knew that could dance was a close college friend named James Philip Miller. So, we closed the door to my dorm room, turned on Wonderful Tonight, and shared my first dance. It was awkward and rigid, but a necessary evil that allowed me to blend in to the rest of the wedding party when the moment came.


Shane and Shane, It is Well - I've sung this classic hymn countless times in my traditional evangelical church upbringing, but it had never seared its notes into the lining of my heart until September 24, 2005 - the night before our farewell service at Bloomington Baptist Church. I was driving around Maple Grove having just enjoyed a fabulous cigar at Tobacco Grove while Ange was babysitting, and I began to question God about what had happened "to us". I felt angry, confused, frustrated, and victimized. "It was wrong - God how could you let it happen this way?" Then, my iPod began to feed a song that washed over me like warm rain...
"When peace like a river, attendeth my way, and sorrows like sea billows roll... Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well with my soul!" In that moment, I wept. I finally saw that the bitterness and anger had robbed me of being able to grieve. I wasn't able to cry because I was holding on to my rights so tightly. God just spoke to me in that moment, and for a little while at least, I had peace. The next day, after I shared some final words of challenge and thanks, I was able to lead the church in singing that same refrain (actually, it was my great friend Dan who led, as I was only able to sputter out a few lines as I gushed emotion). The memory of seeing the people that I love losing themselves in the musical worship of that song will bring a tear filled smile to my face until I pass on.

Shania Twain, From this Moment - I have always loved music, but there were times when I became "too cool" to sing. I think during some of my high school years and then during some of my time in college, I was the guy who stood there and didn't sing. The irony is that I love to sing! I'm always humming, whistling, teeth chattering out a beat, or just bobbing my head to my internal jukebox... But until this girl named Angela came into my life, I would never sing publicly - by myself or in a duet. "Special Music" was my sister's department, and I was more than happy to avoid that title for 20 plus years of my life (special music - to be honest, the first time I heard that title I thought that a mentally challenged individual was going to be singing a song). Now Angela and were a really good fit, right from the get go, first as friends then as spice (plural of spouse?)... But she sang all the time, and she loved country music, which is one of the things I hate most in this world, second only to the Red Sox. Well - she especially loved Shania Twain, which isn't REAL COUNTRY anyways, and there was this tune that became "our song" - it was a duet, between Brian White and Shania, called From this Moment. When we were in the car, Ange would sing the Shania part, and then INSIST that I sing the male part of the duet. I would fight and resist and pout and get grouchy and try everything in my arsenal to get her to quit asking - but she never would. So finally, I relented and joined her in the song. I secretly liked singing it because it was a real challenge for me to hit the high notes, but when I did Ange would say, "Whoa - babe, good job! You have an awesome voice...." which would have been great if she stopped there, but she didn't "... and it's wrong that you don't sing in church. WE ARE SINGING A DUET IN CHURCH AND THAT'S FINAL." Plus, she went on a missions trip to the Philippines for a month when we were dating, and every time I heard that song it made me think of her. And I heard it EVERYWHERE - even once while humbly using the facilities at a dirty Burger King at the Jersey Shore.


David Crowder Band, O Praise Him (All this for a King) - It is late spring 2003, and we have been meeting for several months in preparation for a grand endeavor, a group of 35 is travelling to London for a 2 week long missions trip. Money has been collected, tickets purchased, and vaccinations received - only one problem, we are leaving in three weeks and the entire purpose for the trip has fallen through! We have lost our lodging, our mission, our food, and my temper. It is a very good thing that I received the news in a public place - or else there could have been some real repurcussions for the messenger and the walls. I remember sitting down with Scotty, one of my go-to youth leaders, and dropping this bombshell on him. The look on his face was a weird mixture of anger and apathy. Not worry. Not fear. I was ready to weep and he seemed slightly peeved yet hopeful. At the next team meeting, I broke the news - but God had laid the story of Job on my heart that day, and so I challenged myself and the group to join Job in turning mourning into dancing. Weeping into worship. I put on a cd that I had just received, it was a raw, pre-release recording of the David Crowder Band song, O Praise Him. No one had ever heard it before, but it just felt like the right thing to do. I'll never ever forget what happened next - about halfway into the song, I looked back to see what the response was and my jaw dropped and my tears flowed. I saw this team of teens and adults worshipping God with all their hearts... Eyes were closed, many hands were raised in desperation and surrender, some were kneeling, others were laying on their faces. This was the moment that changed everything. God showed up - and gave us a life-changing trip and a team that was soldered together at the heart.

I could go on and on and on...

Green Bay 2005 with The Afters blaring, The Reason in the jungles of Roatan, Ironic with Tara and friends during college days, The Glory of Your Name sung at me constantly, My Glorious at the Good Friday Service with Cofield, Where It's At in the dorm with Varnish, Baby It's Cold Outside with Ange, We are the Champions at Yankee Stadium after the last out of the 1996 World Series, River of Tears (Clapton) with Woody(NY) as we chatted on rooftops, Great Lengths in the van to my dismay, Holy is the Lord with Jamie and Gretchen at One Day '03, Pray for Me as an anthem of separation and loss, Fix You as my heart beating declaration for the health of my wife...

What are your songs that conjure memories? I am a glutton for story and song - so please share them with us...

An Unfinished Life

I was awakened this morning by the sound of my telephone ringing - right next to my face... Now, typically, the phone is nowhere near my head, I usually have it 2 rooms away on its charger so that its ringing will not disturb my precious slumber. But late last night, my wife had to make an important call at nearly midnight and when she hung up, the phone was fumbled onto the nightstand.

Through foggy early morning eyes, I squinted just enough to read the number Johnson, John C. 901-xxx-xxxx, which is my parents home phone number in Tennessee. I then glanced over at the time, which read 7:12am, and realized that I should probably take the call. It was my mom, who has been very miraculously fighting off the ravages of stage 4 brain and lung cancer (non-smokers) for the past 4 years. She told me to get Angela on the phone, because she had some bad news. I turned and realized that Angela was already up and in the shower - so I asked for the news alone. "Well, the x-rays revealed that the cancer is back. Up and down my spine, in the bones."

I guess the full impact didn't really hit me then, whether it was because I was still in my useless pre-shower, pre-coffee, pre-conscious state or not. It hit me as I drove in to work today. I started to remember back to the day when she was first diagnosed in 2002. I remember the feeling vividly, my whole body felt hot and cold at once, and I felt a pressure rising from my heart up my neck and finally bursting out of my eyes. I wept and hugged Ange, as we grappled with the news that all children dread. This was in the spring, and the doctors gave her about 6 months to live at best. So our plans for spending the holidays in Tennessee during the winter, became Christmas in August. There was lots of tension and confusion, fights and tears were a common occurence. Leaving her in that state was a little easier then, because her body was responding fairly well to the treatments. But there was something much different about her - something almost unquenchable. She had found a purpose for her final days - and she was unashamed in proclaiming what that purpose was to anyone and everyone who entered her crosshairs. She saw the cancer as a platform, a ministry of sorts, a means to share a message. She became the Bedridden Evangelist, in a sense, as she shared the story of Jesus with love and compassion to many listeners. It wasn't a new message, in fact, it was the same basic facts and principles that she had shared her entire life. But now the context had changed. Now, instead of people viewing her as a rich white woman with everything together, beautiful children (what can I say), and a long lasting marriage, they now saw her as someone who was literally wasting away. Yet, she was showing love and concern and empathy for others. The nurses that tended to her in the hospital, unwitting delivery men, wrong phone numbers, doctors, distant relatives, neighbors, and salesman all were listening to a dying woman that was showing love and concern FOR THEM. Now the deal changes. No longer were they rolling their eyes at her health and wealth, now they were captivated and humbled by someone that cared for them with a love that wasn't human - definitely not natural, almost super - natural.

Many, many people have new stories now - stories that include a hero named Jesus that sees them just as they are, and offers love that fills and heals and restores. A hero that invites them into a larger story of loving and serving others the way they have been loved. They find themselves living in a different sort of world, a kingdom of sorts, one in which the last are suddenly first, and the lowest is now the highest, and those on the fringes and margins are suddenly being honored front and center. They now have a purpose to their lives, the American Dream has been unmasked as mere crowd control, materialism has been seen as slugging tabasco to quench a breathless thirst, and lust has been seen to be a cruel warden in a prison without walls or parole.

This group of people will someday stand up and thank you, Maxine Louise Johnson, as I thank you. You have lived with hope and peace amidst horror and pain. You have pointed us away from questioning and doubting God to worshipping and trusting him. Today, your child rises up through messy brokeness to say I love you - and I desire for you to feel no more pain. No matter what happens, you will never be forgotten - your life will be a force that human history cannot duplicate. The great cloud of witnesses are all watching you now, as they have been all along, encouraging you to keep going, to keep impacting lives until the moment you join them.

Keep fighting this battle as a wounded healer, a bruised lover, a tender warrior whose time is not yet up. I love you mom.

Please pray for her - lift up her fragile body to the one who loves her more than any of us can.

10 Best Movies of 2005

1. Crash - I cannot think of a film released this year, or for a long time, that had the sort of emotional impact on my heart as Crash. I saw it twice in the theater, and both times the audience would literally yell at the screen, cries of "NO", "Oh my gosh", "Please NO", "Holy #$@*", and many other unprintable responses. The way the story was told, the way the plotlines and characters were weaved together, and the overall message of the film all lent itself to being my choice for the best film of 2005. It is a rough film, full of foul language and a scene of sexuality, but looking beyond that you will find a powerful piece of art that will endure for generations.

2. Walk the Line - I cannot imagine how many more Johnny Cash albums were sold after the release of this film, but I can tell you that I ponied up my 15 bucks. Career defining performances by Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon (fresh off Legally Blonde 2 - Red, White and Blonde) raise what could have been yet another musical biopic (see Beyond the Sea, Ray) to a higher plane of brilliance. The fact that the actors performed the songs themselves was a risky move that paid off hugely, both in authenticity and passion. What once scared long time Cash and Carter fans, was now heralded as a filmmaking breakthrough. Even Jamie Foxx, with his musical talents, was forced to lip sync to the majority of tunes in RAY, to our loss. The structure of the film, the powerful music, and the no-holds barred story telling all contribute to a truly innovative and classic film.

3. Chronicles of Narnia - Adapting this beloved children's story into a viable movie was not going to be an easy task. C.S. Lewis was against any sort of a live action version of it, saying in essence that it would rob the story of its power if there were talking animal puppets. Well, had he lived to see the technology of today, I think a tear would have rolled down his cheek as it did mine the first moment Aslan appeared on screen. Great casting, fantastic effects and CGI, and very good performances from the children made this a movie that I couldn't get enough of. I must admit, sheepishly, that I saw it 3 times in the theater. I feel a small measure of shame - especially since I'm running out to pick up the special edition DVD tonight (I own both versions of the soundtrack too). All in all, I think I've invested pretty heavily into the Narnia franchise, both financially and emotionally. But I do have my limits - for example, I absolutely refuse to pull the trigger on the Mr. Tumnus clothing line. As much as I'd look stunning in his signature pants and horns combo - I've decided enough is enough. Great film.

4. Elizabethtown - Expectation- it either gives unexpected joy or huge disappointment. Movies that carry huge expecations (either great reviews or friends word of mouth) tend to disappoint, not because they aren't well made films, but rather, they failed to deliver on the build up. Elizabethtown is a very polarizing film, with plenty of very strong feelings on both sides. So - now I have to come clean on my expectations for this film. I expected nothing. Maybe even less. I'm not a huge fan of Orlando Bloom (although I do prefer him to Ashton Kutcher) and Kirsten Dunst has always annoyed me for some reason, so the cast didn't have me overly excited. The odds were stacked against this film impressing me. But - let's not forget how much atmosphere affects movie enjoyment. Think about the difference between watching a great scary movie at 2 in the afternoon in a bright room with people walking in and out, the phone ringing, and text messages flying. Compare that with the same scary movie, watched at midnight with the rest of your family asleep, the creaks of your house lending an eerie addition to the soundtrack, dancing shadows causing your heart to beat so fast that you can't get a full breath, and you find yourself checking behind your couch to make sure you're alone. Atmosphere is truly key to enjoying and appreciating anything - but especially a movie. OK - so the atmosphere of watching Elizabethtown was me hanging out with close friends, a roaring fire, great cigars all around, and fine dark chocolates aplenty. The film begins... Now - one more thing that affects enjoyment of a film is its application in your life - meaning, how do the events / themes / characters of this movie apply to my life right now? I watched this movie just a few days after I had made some HUGE life changes, taken some massive risks, and admitted some big failures. My heart was pretty tender and malleable to say the least. Back to the film... The story begins with some pretty classic voice over narration by the main character, Drew (Bloom), as he grapples with his newfound identitiy - FAILURE. He even looks out the window of the company helicopter as he contemplates adding himself to the list of things that he has killed - his career, his company, his relationships, and his dreams. The way he handles the pain he feels is to respond to everyone with the classic retort "I'm fine." As the film progresses, the weight of his failure cripples his ability to freely grieve the death of his father, or to embrace the woman of his dreams. The themes of failure, loss, risk, love, freedom, and identity resonated within the deepest caverns of my heart. I highly recommend the film for anyone who has experienced the stench of failure, but has glimpsed the beauty of healing, love, and freedom. BTW - it has great music too.

5. Good Night, and Good Luck - The second directorial effort from George Clooney is a well made, truthful, eerily prophetic re-telling of the Murrow - McCarthy showdown. The current administration couldn't have been very happy with the obvious comparisons that were drawn by audiences after viewing this film. Government bullying of the media isn't something that ended in the 50's unfortunately, and it takes courage and creativity to create a piece of art that not only realistically tells a true story - but it also highlights a growing concern in our own times. Standout performances by David Strathairn as Edward R. Murrow and Frank Langhella as the CBS News executive trying to balance journalistic integrity and financial realities add to a terrific ensemble cast operating off a first rate script. Shooting in black and white was a bold move, yet it proved to add to the authenticity of the story.

6. Syriana - Yet another politically charged message movie, this film was financed through a company called Participant Productions, which has a very new paradigm for involvement in a film project. They will only get involved in the process if a film not only seems like it has a good shot at being profitable, but just as important to them is that the film has to have a component of calling people to social action. So far, they have financed Murderball, Good Night and Good Luck, North Country, and Syriana (among others in development) - and each of these films has provided social commentary to the masses. But the company doesn't stop at giving the warm-fuzzies, they actually create programs that the audience is invited to get involved in. For the sexual harassment depicted in North Country, they partnered with STAND UP, an organization that fights harassment in all its forms. For Good Night, they created REPORT IT NOW, to "...compel the media to get back to reporting in the public interest!", for Murderball they created GET INTO THE GAME which sets out to "...smash stereotypes about the disabled! ...raise funds to provide sports wheelchairs to athletes in need." For the film Syriana, which asks some very hard questions about our interests in the Middle East, OIL CHANGE has been partnered with to address America's dependency on foreign oil. " Oil addiction. It saps America's economic strength, pollutes our environment, and jeopardizes national security. Breaking that addiction begins with the choices we make as individuals. Instead of oil dependence, let’s choose Oil Change!" People are encouraged to pursue lifestyles that encourage using alternate forms of energy and to pressure the government to head in that direction. Syriana is typical of Stephen Gaghan's style (Traffic), with it's rapid fire editing, multiple characters and plotlines, and standout acting performances. His script makes some very strong statements, but it also leads the audience on a journey of discovering the truth with Bob Barnes (Clooney, for which he won his first Oscar), a CIA operative that has literally given his blood and most of his life for his country. As he is betrayed, beaten, and meets his ultimate demise, he slowly uncovers the motives of a government bent on protecting it's interests at all costs. If what this film suggests is even remotely true, then it really is time to change things. Very powerful - not for the faint of heart or for those who want to keep their fingers in their ears.

7. Batman Begins - This franchise was dead. Over. Brutally slain by the absolute flop "Batman and Robin" (sorry George). Warner Bros. had laid it's beloved comic book hero to rest for good it was thought. Well, in the time since 1997, comic book adaptations have become the hottest genre in Hollywood (thank Peter Parker), and we are now getting films from everyone who has EVER appeared in a comic. Which does beg the question, where's Archie? Anyway, Christopher Nolan (Memento, Insomnia) proposed a much darker version of the caped crusader, this time going back to his orgins. A prequel - filled with actors with real chops, no more Governator, Uma, Alicia Silverstone, or sweet mercy - Chris O'Donnell (I honestly LOATHE him). Now we have Liam Neeson, Morgan Freeman, Ken Watanabe, Cilian Murphy, Michael Caine, and Katie Holmes. Oops, ok , so there had to be one cult following, freak in the movie - I guess. But the biggest coup was to cast Christian Bale as Batman. He brings a depth to the character that has never been seen before (sorry Beetlejuice fans, he outdoes even Michael Keaton) and also he has the actual physical presence to make us believe that he could actually beat someone up. The film balances humor, action, backstory, and a little romantic tension to an almost perfect degree. In my humble opinion, it's the best ever in the rapidly expanding comic book adaptation genre.

8. Nine Lives - Ok - so this reveals the side of me that enjoys a good old fashioned series of interconnnected vignettes told in a structure of stand alone short films. I was mesmerized by the plotlines, by the way the director effortlessly connects characters and stories, and the powerful revelations that are presented to us - sometimes like a shotgun to the head, other times in a tenderly complex whisper. Very, very different from anything I saw this year. Check out Robin Wright Penn's performance in the supermarket - it may have been the best performance by an actress this year, too bad it was only a few moments long. (Warning: it earns its R rating)

9. King Kong - I felt a certain obligation to include this movie on the list, mostly because after recently watching it again on DVD, I appreciated the efforts of Peter Jackson in a whole new way. He basically crafted a $200 million love story of such subtlety and complexity that even the sight of a giant gorilla battling two huge dinosaurs isn't enough to strip away the beauty of the story. The technological advances in this film push us lightyears ahead of anything else that has been done before on film, even further than Jackson himself went with the Lord of the Rings movies. Great story, solid cast, and effects that will have your jaw agape. Well worth your 3 hours.

10. Grizzly Man - This is the lone documentary on my list, and its presence is because of the astounding nature of the film (pun intended). The movie seeks to establish the true life story of Timothy Treadwell, a mysterious and volatile person, who spent most of his life devoid of meaning and truly lost until he found meaning and purpose living with Kodiak Grizzly bears in Alaska. Yep. He honestly lived among grizzly bears. Now when I was very young, I watched a cheesy horror movie when my parents were out of town that was about this grizzly bear that basically terrorized unsuspecting campers. It was pretty much Jaws of the state forest. Well, in the movie, they pepper in actual horrifying facts about the greatness of the grizzly, how it can run like 30 miles per hour (much faster than me), how it can smell you if you try to hide, how it can climb trees, swim, and how the strength of it's jaws can severe your limbs as easily as I eat cheese. These thoughts never used to bother me - until I went camping, then they would all rush back to my mind as I attempted to use the little outhouse by myself at 1am in total darkness. Fear induced constipation became a chronic camping health condition for me. So watching Grizzly Man was a little bit of a risk for me, being that I feel that I have begun to pull through the side effects of my fear recently - but I felt like the time had come to face my fear once more. What made this film so fascinating to me is that it easily could have been made in a style more conducive to Dateline or even the E! True Hollywood Story, but instead, Werner Herzog leads us on a journey of discovering the mystery of who Timothy Treadwell was, what drove him to live with real bears, and what caused his death. Interviews with friends, family, forest rangers, and others who knew him were intercut with ACTUAL FOOTAGE shot by Treadwell himself. Every summer for 13 years, Treadwell lived with the grizzlies and always brought a video camera with him which he used to chronicle his adventures. This footage is at times shocking and scary, but it also reveals the heart of the adventurer. Treadwell really did love these creatures, and felt it was his mission to protect them. One small detail that puzzled many was that they already were protected, and living in an area of government protected state park land. But nonetheless, he lived as a lover and a warrior for his community, and ultimately his love for them claimed his life. This film achieves new heights for a documentary both for the story, and for the feats of Treadwell's camera, as we are granted never before seen access to the dangerous world of the grizzly.

That's it! The top ten of the year... As always, weigh in, comment, agree, disagree, post your own Top 10...

Let the discussions begin!

MY Top 10 Albums of 2005

Okay - a couple of disclaimers... I realize that this in no way is a definitive top ten of the best albums of the year, it is merely my own favorite releases of the year. I am not a music critic - but I do love music. I also realize that this list transcends genres and mixes some very unknown bands with some very mainstream bands with some Christian worship bands. So - enjoy the list, and if it sparks some debate - so be it - but if it helps you discover some new music then that would be just great too.

1. Come On Feel the Illinoise - Sufjan Stevens.
I am at a loss to remember the last time that an album has had such a sustained and visceral impact on me as this one has. The haunting melodies and inventive arrangements that vary from acoustic folk, to garage punk, to high school marching band, to soft piano ballad, all have a very soothing yet complex affect on me. This is the second state that this artist has memorialized (out of a lofty goal of doing all 50). A Masterpiece.

2. A Collision or (3+4=7) - David Crowder*Band.
While other "worship bands" seem mired in a creative slump, DCB continues to innovate and produce brilliant music. I agree with the synopsis offered by a good friend upon some intense listening when he stated, "It's like they (DCB) gave the Christian music world the first five worship tracks that everyone expects, then the album just goes in a completely different direction, creatively and musically. I think it is seriously one of the best albums, ever." From the heart pounding anthem of "Here is Our King" to the keytar looped hooks of "Forever and Ever etc...", the worship pastors of America have plenty of material to try to emulate and ultimately destroy by repitition. Heartfelt covers of Hank Williams and Sufjan Stevens add to an eclectic mix of well produced tracks that all add up to a brilliant album, the best to date by the band.

3. Mockingbird - Derek Webb
It remains to be seen if Christians are ready for a record with this much truth to tell. Webb, the former lead singer of CCM darling Caedmon's Call, has truly created a powerful work that touches on legalism, the war, materialism, service, capitalism, and the kingdom of God. Not for the faint of heart or washed of brain. It is very well recorded and musically competent, but the real strenght of this record is in the message. His trademark rasp is in top form as he crafts singable choruses that you may catch yourself humming, until you realize what you are actually singing. The truth must be told, and Derek Webb has tacked his 11 Thesis to the door of the church, but will anyone notice? (Listen to A New Law, My Enemies are Men Like Me, Love is Not Against the Law to understand what I'm saying.)

4. X & Y - Coldplay
The much anticipated follow-up to the absolute smash A Rush of Blood to the Head delivers another list of songs to add to the canon of Coldplay mastery. Even though mainstream radio threatens to take the songs to Hootie and the Blowfish levels of overplay, there are some gems on here that won't reach the radio. Swallowed in the Sea, Kingdom Come, and What If showcase the classic existential crisis tunes that define the band's greatest efforts to date. Fix You is a song that has a supernatural weight to it, and it will be seen as a timeless classic for future generations to enjoy.

5. Look to You - Hillsong Music Australia
There isn't a better factory for producing fist-pumping worship anthems than these guys. Uncontainable energy and catchy songs that you find yourself singing along to after only seconds of introduction. They truly have crafted a list of songs that evoke some serious emotional response - pop this in when you want a quick spiritual pick-me-up and let the tracks work their magic. Arena rocking worship at its finest - Tell the World, Look to You, Salvation is Here will ignite any worship gathering with their high octane energy. All for Love is a tender yet stirring ballad that leads into the destroy your vocal chords for a week track, Shout unto God. A must have.

6. I Wish We All Could Win - The Afters
Filled with uber-catchy pop tunes, this band is destined for a decent level of mainstream success, as evidenced by some appearances on MTV (and the fact that I heard them on the radio once at the California Pizza Kitchen). Quite possibly the album that defined the summer of 2005 for me. Tight harmonies, aw-shucks lyrics, and some spiritual undercurrents make this a great listen. Standout tracks - Beautiful Love, Until the World, Someday, Love Lead Me On, Love will make you beautiful.

7. Silent Alarm - Bloc Party
Raw, high-energy Brit rock at its finest. A drummer apparently on high doses of speed. Very tight harmonies, thoughtful lyrics, and tracks that patiently unfold multiple layers of complexity. Fun and head-bobbing infectious tunes from beginning to end, but the true standout track is definitely "This Modern Love". I have subjected so many friends to this song's captivating musicality, and have yet to be stifled. As I listen to it right now, I just love the way it keeps revealing more and more complexity, all the while building more and more momentum as you speed towards the beautiful closing harmonies. Man - I love the Brits.

8. Employment - Kaiser Chiefs
Yet another entry that reveals my unhealthy obsession with anything British. The Kaiser Chiefs have a rare ability to capture energy, excitement, and exuberance on a studio record with such gusto that it feels like a great live record. I dare you to try to listen to this album without being led from a subtle head bob to a flat out raging dance party once you reach the track of your destiny, Born to be a Dancer. Some of the standout tracks are I Predict a Riot, Modern Way, Na Na Na Na Naa, Oh My Gosh, and the aforementioned Born to be a Dancer. As Rolling Stone magazine declared, "...the Kaiser Chiefs make you want to sing along with practically every song by the second chorus. They predict a riot? They already are one."

9. Stereo: The Evolution of HipRockSoul - 4th Avenue Jones
Lead "singer" Ahmad Jones, formerly part of the West Coast Hip Hop explosion of the early 90's, had a huge hit, Back in the Day off his 1994 debut album, Ahmad. He was 18 back then, and being compared to Dr. Dre, Montell Jordan, and Tupac... But a tepid response to the rest of his album and some shady record company dealings caused him to fade into obscurity. Back on the scene in 2005 with his musical brainchild, 4th Avenue Jones, a hip hop collective full of friends and musicians that form a new genre of music, self-titled as HipRockSoul. Their first release, Stereo, is just that - mixture of hip hop, hard rock, and R&B soul that both satisfies and leaves you wanting more. Standout tracks Stereo, Take Me Away, Sorry, It's Over Now. Stereo could be a huge hit if it wasn't for the mystifying running time of just 2 minutes.

10. How Great is Our God - Passion Worship Band
Failing to list the latest effort from the cutting edge musicians of the Passion movement would be a treasonous offense to everything that I stand for. Ok - that might be a little strong, but still, these guys just keep writing the songs the whole world is singing (sorry Barry). Standout tracks from David Crowder*Band, Chris Tomlin, and Shane and Shane highlight a great worship project. I continue to struggle with Charlie Hall and Matt Redman's live performances, although Charlie is starting to win me over with his efforts on this album, especially his great performance of Delirious' brilliant song, Majesty. Unfortunately, Matt Redman continues to be an artist who is best utilized by handing off his songs to other more talented singers to perform than himself. The Glory of Your Name is a powerful song, but has been eternally etched into my subconscious. It is Well showcases the underappreciated talents of Shane and Shane - and their rendition renders me a quiverying, emotional mess.

Well there you have it.... My top 10 albums of 2005. Feel free to weigh in and comment, disagree (Eric), and even post your own top 10. I will close this post with a list of honorable mentions that almost made the list - but alas, the tribe had spoken.

Honorable mentions - Speak for Yourself, Imogen Heap; Leaders of the Free World, Elbow; Live in Seattle, Shawn McDonald; Nothing is Sound, Switchfoot; The Bravery; Gimme Fiction, Spoon; Imagination, Bethany Dillon; Catalogue of Generous Men, Modern Skirts.

Feel free to agree, disagree, or even to add some that you thought were deserving during this past year...