The other side of the moment

Here I sit... Seemingly on the edge of something.

Many times in my life I have uttered or written or thought those words...

Most times I felt very alone - but this time I feel like I have company... Lots of it...

Have you ever found yourself wishing you were on the other side of the present? No - not the future in the sci-fi sense, but just the other side of the present, you know - the place where you see how things turn out. Not the place where you see how old you are when you lose your hair, or when the Cubs win a world series. Just the place that may be just a few moments away. The place where you realize that it was all worth it - all the pain, and confusion, and risk. The place where you have amazing clarity, that 20/20 hindsight that we all talk about, where we see how each decision or event brought you to where you are.

It is tempting to desire for that knowledge... To ask God to give us a glimpse - a peek, just something, anything to get us through. But time after time, God allows us to wallow in the past and stumble in the present as He prepares us for our future.

I know that many of you feel like God is stirring something in your heart... Some to change or leave jobs... Some to change or leave boyfriends... Some to change or leave underwear (please do - sorry I couldn't resist)... Some to return to old stomping grounds to start something new... Some to leave ministries that are soul-killing and heart-rending...

Some to create something out of nothing...

Some to leave the nothing that something has become...

Some to risk big with no promises of success...

Some to move far away and join up with a movement...

But all of us have one thing in common - God is leading us to DO something. To move. To act. To take. To give. To serve.

He isn't making it easy - nothing is being dropped in our laps. God is pushing us and then hiding when we look for him.

We spin around to ask why and what for - and hear... Nothing.

Too many this silence cripples. It paralyzes them. They felt a stir in their heart and a nudge to move - then silence. Is it possible that this cosmic hide and seek game is being played to keep us moving? To keep us looking?

The temptation is to quit looking. To stop playing. To go upstairs and sample the evening meal while the game goes on without us.

During this Thanksgiving, I spoke with two men, similar experience and family situations, both feeling a prodding and a silence. But their reactions couldn't be more opposite - one is waiting for God to show Him the future, while the other one is chasing God into the darkness that is the future.

As I thought about their situations, I wondered how am I responding to the prodding of God in my life? Am I continuing to forge ahead - into the darkness where my only knowledge of the path before me is the knowledge that I'm on the right one? Or am I sitting this one out, waiting for first light to continue my journey. I am thankful that I am involved in a community of believers and travelers that won't allow me to sit down. The joy of the journey keeps us stubbing our toes together in the darkness as we soldier on...

What is on the other side of this moment? Why is God allowing the events of my life to unfold this way? Well - I know the past and how God has taught and led me before... So I have some clues to the future... But for right now - I'm enjoying this part of the journey, and the utter dependence upon God and others that it has fostered...

I guess I want to keep moving forward - until God either stops me, or pulls back the cosmic curtain and shows me what it is that I've been looking for all along and points out just how close to the edge I've been walking. The edge of something that is just on the other side of this moment...